Thursday, June 13, 2013

Navy Seals are tougher than Marines

I must admit, I was wrong in assessing that John, the former seal was going to be an easier man to deal with relationally.  John, the seal (yes, John the flake) is good with his finances, seemed grounded (he talks about his daughter, family and long time friends who live in the area.  He seemed to have a great social life with friends doing fun activities outdoors like camping, fishing, star gazing, kayaking, etc. . . .  Compared to the marine who drinks alcohol almost daily, eats and has a few close friends.  He is not outdoorsy, although he does ride a motorcycle ( riddled with decals of scantily clad women).   He is horrible with money!!! He spends it easily and does not have savings. 
When I first met John, I shared with him that I like to have a lot of connection to my partner.  I like frequent communications, be it texts or phone calls and I like to see my partner often.   I shared with him that what kills me is that my marine is rarely home and he is often out of communication; whether by choice or design.
Of course, initially John promised to always communicate with me and see or talk often.  That was before we had sex.  Now that he has ‘ locked me in’ with that activity, I rarely see him.  Rarely for me is that I have probably seen him 3 times this year.  
The other day I called him to say hello.  ( PS: Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wait by the phone for anyone.  I go out, I date others and I have a busy life).  I know that he often stays up late, since he can’t sleep.  He said he is always on guard.   I called him  at about 1130 pm.  His response to my call was a text “I’m sleeping, what’s up?”  I responded “Can’t sleep, just wanted to talk”.  His texts back, “Are you insecure about something?”   Taken back by his comment I responded “ Only insecure people are up at 22:30?” to which he texts “ Ill call you later in the week”.  
Im not understanding where  this seal gets the idea that I am “ insecure” because I reach out to him to say hello.  Then, when I don’t reach out – he says I am ignoring him, or I don’t seem to care.  WTF?
This past week I came across a survey that USC is performing for families and loved ones of former military folks.  There is a big push on teaching us how to deal with them and their issues upon returning from deployment or service.   Check out the site on: if you want to learn more.
I don’t know that I would join a survey like this.  I suppose if either my marine or the seal would show me they have a genuine interest in having a relationship with me, I would.  However, as it stands now, they are both distant so I won’t pursue learning more about them (until they pursue learning more about me).  Either way, perhaps some of your readers would find the survey and resources helpful.

Ta Ta

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Things That Offend Military Men

I have a friend who is dubbed John the Flake.  ( Real names are changed to protect the innocent- jejejeje).  John is known in my circle of friends as " John the Flake".  About a year back, during a time when my marine went into isolation, I befriended and dated John.  John is a retired Navy Seal Captain.  John had suffered a life threatening blow to his tummy which resulted in his forced resignation from service. 

With John, I decided to take our relationship at a slower, more certain pace. ( Compared to jumping into bed with my marine on our first day and thinking I was his girlfriend).  No, John was different.  He had similar qualities as my marine.  He is a hottie, sexy, good communicator.  However, different from my marine, John was good with his finances.  He was ready for a relationship ( so he said).  So, I decided to tell John I wouldnt sleep with him unless he was my boyfriend.  Following that comment, he agreed to be my boyfriend.  Then he flaked on me for new years by cancelling on the last minute and breaking up with me over texting.  Strange!!!!!   What is up with these Military Men!!!!

Therafter, I maintain a friendship with John.  He cancels quite a bit.  It had gotten to the point that I called him on it.  He pulls away when I challenge him.   He says the following things offend military men.  So I thought to add them here, lest any of you readers attempt to date one of these guys and not want to hurt their feelings.
"Dude"   -  Although in California, Orange County area we call guys by this name, military men find it offensive.  IDK.
" I Miss you" -- This is too clingy and needy.
"Ignore them" -- They feel dejected and disregarded  ( So how do you reconcile telling them you care and miss them being found too needy versus ignoring their texts for a day or so and being told you are self-centered and ignore them? IDK.
" Go fetch my purse from the house" - apparently you shouldn't order a staff sargeant around.  ( jejejeje)
" Surprise" -- No surprise birthday parties.  I have a friend who dated a marine with PTSD and she arranged for family and friends to jump out from behind the furniture and yell ' surprise! happy birthday!'  Her marine freeked out!!!!   I can understand why, but she was taken back by the experience.
" Old dog poo in the yard"  Yes, my marine is sensistive to smells so I have to clean up my dogs mess and perfume the yard before he comes over. ( Geeesh!)
" Nazi Personal Trainer".  Yes, I called my personal trainer an exercise Nazi and John flipped.  He said to never reference words like that around military men because of all the situations they have had to resolve worldwide as a result of tyrrany.

I honestly think this friend John is even more work to deal with than my marine.  John cancels so much, I dont take him serious anymore.  Then when I cancel on him, he gets butt hurt.

The worst part is that when I address Johns behavioral issues and tell him how they affect me.  He typically responds.  " Its a military thing".  Im tired of that lame excuse.  Last time he flaked I told him "dont hide behind military excuses. I am not military and he needs to consider the rules in my world if he wants to play in it".  ( He appologized and made up. jejejeje! Gotcha!)

Strange.  Strange military men. Why do I put up with them?    Well, I like to learn and I enjoy the challenge.  I figure, If I can handle one of these 'tough' men, then I can handle anyone. =)