Sunday, July 29, 2012

Boot Camp- Listening

One of my earliest memories of my marine was the first time I went for a weekend visit.  He called me out to stay with him overnight at camp pendleton.  He was staying a  place called "Sharkys" and he gave me instructions as to how to get there.   At that time, I wasnt as good a listener as I have learned to be now.  I know that I frustrated him by cutting him off while he was giving me instructions over the phone as to how to arrive.  He stopped me, when I cut him off and he told me to be quite and to listen. I had never been "ordered around" like that and his voice commanded may attention.  He is normally soft spoken and has a mild tone, though when he needs me to listen, his voice fills with authority ( rour!).  I tried to listen and I thought I got the instructions right.  I was wrong.  I ended upon base, but near the shore.  I had to call him out to come get me and lead me to where he was.  I was about to get my first lesson in the care and feeding of a marine.. boot camp.  Lesson 1,Listen and Read the Signs.
In the marines, he is an instructor.. and a very good one.  He told me to follow him as he drove ahead of me. I had him on speaker phone and, oh yes, I had to turn off my radio and keep my mouth shut. ( This was somewhat of a challenge for me). He drove me from where I was to where I should have started to follow his instructions.  Yes, from the beginning.  When you enter Camp P through the main gait you make a left, over the bridge, follow the road as it winds to to the right, then make a left.  There, there is a fork in the road ( where I got lost, I took a right) and that is where you make a left.  There is a fire hourse there.   
I have not been to camp P in 2 years and yet, I remember the instructions.  Why? you ask?  Well, it's because he ran me through a drill repetitively from that point in the road ( the fork) to Sharky's at least 3-4 times.
The next day, he came to pick me up during his lunch break.  I have to admit, I was eagerly awaiting him back in the room.  ( I had never felt like doing that for ANYBODY before... I would not spend all morning beautifying myself for NO MAN! who does that?.. LOL... I did... for this marine). I waited for him to come home for lunch and yes, I ran down to the local coffee shop and pick him up a yogurt and a sandwich so that when he comes home for lunch (to the room) he can fill his tummy ... and have time for a few other things. Then, I waited.. with my high heels on. 
He called me and just said " Where are you? come out.. I dont have alot of time".  I kicked my heals and ran to the front to join him.  He then toured me around the area and described everything to me.  He told me to read the signs because they would describe where I was and what the buildings were.  He drove me to a housing unit and told me that if he were to live on base, they would give him one of those houses.   I asked him why he was showing me this and he responded " If you are ever here, when I am not here, I dont want you to get lost, I want you to know your way around here".   Such a thoughtful guy... and boy did I read into that sentence!!!!    
I  fascinated myself with how girlish I felt around him, how safe.  I was shocked that I actually felt like I should just get pretty for him and be on his arm.  I surprised myself by how eager I was to see him and simple be with him. When he got up for work and meticulously donned his cloths, I clung to him. I surprised myself as i have never, ever done that before for anyone. It was a great feeling!  I was on air.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

First Care Packages

My marine is the first military guy I dated in my whole life.  Although I have family that were in the service, I had never before experienced (felt) the separation anxiety of deployment and fear of possibly loss that comes from loving someone who has gone to combat. I was inexperienced in sending mail, let alone a care package. 
My marine gave me his parents address beforehand.  After three months of his deployment, I hadnt received word from him of his APO address.  I took a chance in sending a package to his mom at the address he gave me.  I also supplied a note for her to please prepare the care package since I did not know how to wrap; a bottle of Jameson, a magazine, chocolates and a letter. 
I had never bough 'magazines' before so I trecked to Barnes and Noble bookstore.  I scoured the stands to find the smuttiest, naughtiest magazines I could.  I was looking for playboy, hustler or something of that nature.  What I found was that they did not sell those magazines.  I settled on some type of FMS, MAXIM or something like that, I don't remember the name.  What I remembered was there were many black sexy women in the magazine.  Timidly, I made my purchase, wrapped them in a black plastic bag ( couldn't let his mom see them, right?) and I sent them within the box of goodies to my Marines mom's house.
Finally I heard from my marine.  He emailed me his address, then asked that I not send anything to his home address. Then, when I asked him what I should send him in his next care package he responded " porno magazines... lots of them ( later I found it was for him AND his guys.. come on he's not that much of a fanatic, lol) and a disclaimer " don't send black chicks... or fat chicks with floppy boobs".  
On my next mission, I went to the treasure chest in Hollywood.  I thought that I was sure to find what he needed from there. Although getting him some smutty magazines and liquor wore against my own Faith, I reconciled my purchasing decisions on the fact that my marine is out there risking life and limb.. he deserves a little fun and alcohol.  While at this specialty store I found so many amazing things like candied boob rings, naughty playing cards, and yes... can you believe it? a nude magazine of FAT CHICKS WITH FLOPPY BOOPS!  It was hilarious!  I couldn't resist getting this for him.  I sent him some regular ones too. 
To this date, I never really heard the story of what happened when he opened this care package.  It must have been hilarious. 
He called me one day from a satellite phone.  Oh gosh! I was on air when he called. He said he received the package and that it made it day.  I asked him if he shared the items with his marines and he said, "negative".  I asked him if he played cards with them.  He said " No... they don't want to play with me, I don't need to share them".  (Hehehehe).   I love my guy!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Finally,He Made It!

After much patience, my marine stopped by for a visit. I understand the sacrifice.He lives a good 50miles away from me. In anticipation of his arrival I picked up some antipasto olives and made sure I had some beers in the refrigerator. He loves that kind of stuff. 

The day(s) of waiting for him patiently did not look like fluffy calm clouds of happiness. No, the past few days have been tumultuous emotionally.  I have been battling in my head thoughts that ' I should have a boyfriend who lives closer', 'I should have a boyfriend who is able to help me with man things around the house', 'I should have a boyfriend who comes to see me more often'. ' I should give up on this marine,he's too much trouble'. 

As I occupied my waiting time with chores, work, visiting friends, reading, etc. ( What do you think? that I wait by the phone?  lol..... Certainly not!!! I have a cell phone and I occupy my time AND think about him all the time--- while I wait---I take the phone with me ---hehehehe).  I thought about the notion that he is the way he is (with me) because I am the way I am with him. He probably figures I am not leaving him.... Im not and surprisingly this marine knows me (better than I know myself sometimes).  So, I thought, what ways about me can I change, so that he draws closer to me? I did get frustrated as the clock ticked to 8 pm. then 9 pm.  9 is my bedtime and he had not come over yet or called. He said he would and he normally is a man of his word.

I felt like telling him off and saying something like " its too late, dont come over --- humph!!!!"  but I held my toungue and asked God to let me behave in a loving way.  To let me not behave the way my flesh wants me to  ( to be prideful and harm him for making me wait; because im not getting what I want, when I want it).  That is what it really is all about.  I want what I want, when I want it.

Earlier in the day I had texted him about a coffee shop I went to.  It was an asian coffee shop and the girls that served the coffee wore scantily clad loungerie.  He responded to me that he has 'been to places like that'. I couldnt help but begin to think of " Wow! what kind of cochino man is this, why do I like such a man like this, those girls are skinny and hotties and Im not... how can I keep him from swaying to places like I not hot enough? Is that why he doesnt come see me more often?. and all that other stuff'.  I dunno mind is always thinking of silly things.

So, as I waited for him to come, I prayed and asked God " God if he is bad for me, keep him from me... I dont want anything or anyone bad in my life... but God I do love him.  You brought him into my life and you put the desires in my heart. Your word says that you will give me the desires of my heart, so if he is the one you want for me, bring him to me.  I am so tired of longing and wanting and the things I do do not draw him closer, so I dont know what to do.  I feel like I need so much from him and he is not giving me these things.  I also know that he cannot be everything to me. So please God, you know what I need, fullfill my needs and give me the love and support I lack from him elsewhere....that's if you want me to keep loving him.  Otherwise, I dont think I can continue to do this. God Im not going to fight it, I am not going to let myself get frustrated or say something mean to him... God you will need to bring him to me if that is what you want from me". 

So, guess what happended..... yes. My marine texts  me at 9:30 pm that he is on his way. He arrived an hour later. When he arrived he greated me with a HUG and a KISS ( Wow!) and he was jovial.  He told me he bumped into a highschool friend of his and that he spent the day with him and his family.  He said his friend had been in jail and had it not been for his amazingly loving and supportive wife, he would be lost.  Now his friend has a family, a great job and my marine was going to help his daughter get a job where he worked.  We retired to bed and he continued to tell me stories, in particular he shared that in his early twenties,when he was a policeman, he had uncovered one of 'those coffee shops'and the owners were arrested.

At the end of his visit I am reminded that it takes a great, supportive and loving woman to make a great man (happy).  I want to be that woman for my marine. I think God wants me to be that too. Also, it helps to listen and let the marine talk, without jumping to conclusions.  He uncovers truths about him that I would not have realized otherwise.  

After a few beers ( his breakfast of champions), my sweetheart is off to work and school.  I hope to spend time with him again soon....

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

The Fourth of July

Im such a baby, I know.... On the fourth, our first fourth together in the 3 years I've known him, he came to grill me some Porter House steaks. At the park there was a firework display and the cannons and booms could be heard from my house.  He was a little irritated by the commotion and the sounds. He is a great chef and grilling, amongst other things, is one of his great talents. He arrived with a party in a bag, beers, chips, sausages and steaks.  Then he began to order me around.  Get this, do that, hurry up....Under normal conditions, someone ordering me around would bother me.  In this case, I was so happy to see him and spend time with him that I didnt mind.  He shared a story of a time he was in combat and they encountered an ambush.  He sais that his marine reminded him it was the 4th of July and as they fought back they were charged with excitement thinking they were 'clebrating the fourth' and that their gunshots were fireworks.  When they shot the enemy they imagined they were letting off fireworks in the sky.  He normally doesnt talk much about stories of when he is 'in' or what he does while he is there, aside from saying  that he is an independent agent and shoots bad people.  We ate, laughed and talked about stupid stuff, my work, his old dating stories, and my girlfriend's (who was there) love interests.  When we went to bed I shared with him the fact that I was late for my period and he responded, happily that it would be a good thing. He said  that a child is a blessing and if I was pregnant we would raise our child together.  Under normal conditions, I may be worried about having a child and not being married.  I already have one that I raised and never thought to have another one until....

I met my marine. 

Im off to buy the test, I will let you know how it turns out.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Growing Impatient

As each day that goes by, I grow more impatient.  Recalling back when I had just met my marine over 3 years ago... You see, we dated for 3 months when he told me " I have bad news... Im going to deploy by the end of the year"  and somewhere along the line, he asked me to be patient with him.  He said that being with a marine was tough and required alot of patience. 

These days, he asks me to continue to be patient with him.  He is challenged with transitioning out of service and he is not able to find work of equivalent stature and pay.  This upsets him and wears on his 'manhood'.  I try my best to encourage him and to remind him of all the wonderful things about him that I love.  Still, he is bothered by his inability to earn a good living and be able to support me or buy me trinkets. As much as I tell him I dont need those things and that what I need most is time with him, in his arms...( sigh) He's not buying it and he keeps himself distant and drinks alot of beer.

Honestly, how much more patient can I be?  I was patient when he was away at predeployment training for weeks or months at a time.  I was patient when he got snowed in for a few weeks and couldnt come home to be with me.  I was patient for 13 months while he was deployed.  13 MONTHS!!!.....13 MONTHS!!!! I was patient when he returned and isolated himself, from me.  I say from me, because I later learned he took a vacation during that time. ( Silly me was fretting over what could be going through his mind and OMG, this PTSD stuff!!! I cried alot, worried, etc.... and later found he was on a Japan....REALLY????).  Now he asks me to continue to be a little more patient with him.  UGGGH!!!!

At the end of last week, I didnt feel like being patient and positive any longer. I was tired of being nice and patient and positive and encouraging.  Not just towards my marine, but towards everyone.  In my morning prayer time, I told God I was tired and that He should chose someone else to be nice, that today I wanted to focus on me and no one else.  I felt a little selfish.  I thought about my problems (challenges  I should say) and began to think to myself.... ( the evil side of me began to say...)   'look girl, no one is worrying about your problems, or helping you with your problems... leave him alone to work out his crap... he's not there for you, you dont have to be patient anymore... tell him to  bug off!' So, during the day, I snapped at him ( via text) and told him he was full of it!    Being the nice guy he is ( and he really is, under that tough marine leather hide) he asked " What's got into you?"  and said " What can I do to help you?" .  I shouted back that there are plenty of things he can do to help me and he always says he cant or wont do them, such as helping me around the house (with man chores.... he doesnt live with me) or hanging out with me (hiking, sports, etc... non moneyspending things) or supporting me at a volunteer event.   Well, honestly I didnt say all that, but I think he knows what I meant.  He responded " OK, I'll go volunteer with you".  I admit I had a little smile inside my heart when he said this.  Then later he vented to me his frustrations and his financial strain. Boy did I feel horrible.  I reverted back to encouraging him.

Later, when I was in my quiet time with God, I thanked him for my lesson.  God reminded me that I was the one whom He intended to use to help others, including my marine. He reminded me that I need to be faithful in Him and continue to help others, encourage them, be patient and love them..... especially my marine.  So I asked God to give me the help, support and encouragement I needed from others, so that I can be filled with love and patience and pour out this love and patience into my marine.   That evenening ended with many of my co-workers and friends expressing their appreciation and encouragement for me.  They appreciated me for the 'support and encouragement' I give to them.  I received hugs and smiles and praise.  I left work that night, full of it... and ready to be there for my dear marine.   The very next day I continued to be appreciative of my dearest man, my marine, whom I love so much.  Oh yes, I also asked him for his forgiveness. I shouldnt have snapped at him. What was his response? Well, he said " I always forgive you". =) ,<3
Semper Fi...

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