After much patience, my marine stopped by for a visit. I understand the sacrifice.He lives a good 50miles away from me. In anticipation of his arrival I picked up some antipasto olives and made sure I had some beers in the refrigerator. He loves that kind of stuff.
The day(s) of waiting for him patiently did not look like fluffy calm clouds of happiness. No, the past few days have been tumultuous emotionally. I have been battling in my head thoughts that ' I should have a boyfriend who lives closer', 'I should have a boyfriend who is able to help me with man things around the house', 'I should have a boyfriend who comes to see me more often'. ' I should give up on this marine,he's too much trouble'.
As I occupied my waiting time with chores, work, visiting friends, reading, etc. ( What do you think? that I wait by the phone? lol..... Certainly not!!! I have a cell phone and I occupy my time AND think about him all the time--- while I wait---I take the phone with me ---hehehehe). I thought about the notion that he is the way he is (with me) because I am the way I am with him. He probably figures I am not leaving him.... Im not and surprisingly this marine knows me (better than I know myself sometimes). So, I thought, what ways about me can I change, so that he draws closer to me? I did get frustrated as the clock ticked to 8 pm. then 9 pm. 9 is my bedtime and he had not come over yet or called. He said he would and he normally is a man of his word.
I felt like telling him off and saying something like " its too late, dont come over --- humph!!!!" but I held my toungue and asked God to let me behave in a loving way. To let me not behave the way my flesh wants me to ( to be prideful and harm him for making me wait; because im not getting what I want, when I want it). That is what it really is all about. I want what I want, when I want it.
Earlier in the day I had texted him about a coffee shop I went to. It was an asian coffee shop and the girls that served the coffee wore scantily clad loungerie. He responded to me that he has 'been to places like that'. I couldnt help but begin to think of " Wow! what kind of cochino man is this, why do I like such a man like this, those girls are skinny and hotties and Im not... how can I keep him from swaying to places like this..am I not hot enough? Is that why he doesnt come see me more often?. and all that other stuff'. I dunno why...my mind is always thinking of silly things.
So, as I waited for him to come, I prayed and asked God " God if he is bad for me, keep him from me... I dont want anything or anyone bad in my life... but God I do love him. You brought him into my life and you put the desires in my heart. Your word says that you will give me the desires of my heart, so if he is the one you want for me, bring him to me. I am so tired of longing and wanting and the things I do do not draw him closer, so I dont know what to do. I feel like I need so much from him and he is not giving me these things. I also know that he cannot be everything to me. So please God, you know what I need, fullfill my needs and give me the love and support I lack from him elsewhere....that's if you want me to keep loving him. Otherwise, I dont think I can continue to do this. God Im not going to fight it, I am not going to let myself get frustrated or say something mean to him... God you will need to bring him to me if that is what you want from me".
So, guess what happended..... yes. My marine texts me at 9:30 pm that he is on his way. He arrived an hour later. When he arrived he greated me with a HUG and a KISS ( Wow!) and he was jovial. He told me he bumped into a highschool friend of his and that he spent the day with him and his family. He said his friend had been in jail and had it not been for his amazingly loving and supportive wife, he would be lost. Now his friend has a family, a great job and my marine was going to help his daughter get a job where he worked. We retired to bed and he continued to tell me stories, in particular he shared that in his early twenties,when he was a policeman, he had uncovered one of 'those coffee shops'and the owners were arrested.
At the end of his visit I am reminded that it takes a great, supportive and loving woman to make a great man (happy). I want to be that woman for my marine. I think God wants me to be that too. Also, it helps to listen and let the marine talk, without jumping to conclusions. He uncovers truths about him that I would not have realized otherwise.
After a few beers ( his breakfast of champions), my sweetheart is off to work and school. I hope to spend time with him again soon....
The day(s) of waiting for him patiently did not look like fluffy calm clouds of happiness. No, the past few days have been tumultuous emotionally. I have been battling in my head thoughts that ' I should have a boyfriend who lives closer', 'I should have a boyfriend who is able to help me with man things around the house', 'I should have a boyfriend who comes to see me more often'. ' I should give up on this marine,he's too much trouble'.
As I occupied my waiting time with chores, work, visiting friends, reading, etc. ( What do you think? that I wait by the phone? lol..... Certainly not!!! I have a cell phone and I occupy my time AND think about him all the time--- while I wait---I take the phone with me ---hehehehe). I thought about the notion that he is the way he is (with me) because I am the way I am with him. He probably figures I am not leaving him.... Im not and surprisingly this marine knows me (better than I know myself sometimes). So, I thought, what ways about me can I change, so that he draws closer to me? I did get frustrated as the clock ticked to 8 pm. then 9 pm. 9 is my bedtime and he had not come over yet or called. He said he would and he normally is a man of his word.
I felt like telling him off and saying something like " its too late, dont come over --- humph!!!!" but I held my toungue and asked God to let me behave in a loving way. To let me not behave the way my flesh wants me to ( to be prideful and harm him for making me wait; because im not getting what I want, when I want it). That is what it really is all about. I want what I want, when I want it.
Earlier in the day I had texted him about a coffee shop I went to. It was an asian coffee shop and the girls that served the coffee wore scantily clad loungerie. He responded to me that he has 'been to places like that'. I couldnt help but begin to think of " Wow! what kind of cochino man is this, why do I like such a man like this, those girls are skinny and hotties and Im not... how can I keep him from swaying to places like this..am I not hot enough? Is that why he doesnt come see me more often?. and all that other stuff'. I dunno why...my mind is always thinking of silly things.
So, as I waited for him to come, I prayed and asked God " God if he is bad for me, keep him from me... I dont want anything or anyone bad in my life... but God I do love him. You brought him into my life and you put the desires in my heart. Your word says that you will give me the desires of my heart, so if he is the one you want for me, bring him to me. I am so tired of longing and wanting and the things I do do not draw him closer, so I dont know what to do. I feel like I need so much from him and he is not giving me these things. I also know that he cannot be everything to me. So please God, you know what I need, fullfill my needs and give me the love and support I lack from him elsewhere....that's if you want me to keep loving him. Otherwise, I dont think I can continue to do this. God Im not going to fight it, I am not going to let myself get frustrated or say something mean to him... God you will need to bring him to me if that is what you want from me".
So, guess what happended..... yes. My marine texts me at 9:30 pm that he is on his way. He arrived an hour later. When he arrived he greated me with a HUG and a KISS ( Wow!) and he was jovial. He told me he bumped into a highschool friend of his and that he spent the day with him and his family. He said his friend had been in jail and had it not been for his amazingly loving and supportive wife, he would be lost. Now his friend has a family, a great job and my marine was going to help his daughter get a job where he worked. We retired to bed and he continued to tell me stories, in particular he shared that in his early twenties,when he was a policeman, he had uncovered one of 'those coffee shops'and the owners were arrested.
At the end of his visit I am reminded that it takes a great, supportive and loving woman to make a great man (happy). I want to be that woman for my marine. I think God wants me to be that too. Also, it helps to listen and let the marine talk, without jumping to conclusions. He uncovers truths about him that I would not have realized otherwise.
After a few beers ( his breakfast of champions), my sweetheart is off to work and school. I hope to spend time with him again soon....
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