Thursday, July 11, 2013

Conflict Resolution Finding an Exchange

Retirement is difficult to grasp for many.  Add retirement to a former Navy Seal and there is a bundle of challenges that need to be resolved.  This particular seal I reference here, lets call him John.  Did I call him John before?

So John is argumentative.  I think the challenge comes from the fact that he has not had many women in his world.  He spent long spans of time with his team, men, and the dynamics of those relationships are different. 

Well, now John has me.  I learned to be aware of my emotional side and to express my feeling.  Frankly, I enjoy this side of me.  John could tell you a different story.  However, I have known John for a few years now.  I see him once in a while.  Its just as if he were still serving and away for long periods of time.  As much as I enjoy people's company and want to see more of John, I am ok with the time away because when he is with me it takes its toll on me physically.  Yes, and emotionally since I am not used to man energy.

In our relationship, I concede and I am patient.  John is a handlful. His temperment, he is stubbord.  My role is not to toss him aside because I dont like it.  I took the approach with him long ago, to get to know him and to accept him the way he is. 

Recently, the topic came up of arguing... arguing over texts.  He said he didnt like that.  The argument stemmed when I was tired of his constant schedule changes and cancellations.  I was ovulating and had a tough week and wanted a hug and affection.  I told him to come see me.  He declined.  I let him have it over texting.  It wasnt mean spirited, I just told him " You are always too tired and you dont make time for me.  I want to see you."  I cant remember what else I told him, but if you ask him, his head swirls and face frowns.  I dont think he appreciates my disappointment.

Come to find, when we talked, I found out that he was in San Diego at the time and driving 2 hours to see me at 10 pm was not in his plans.  He was about to go to sleep.  I thought he was closer.  My bad.  I didnt realize this over texting.

He complained about my texting.  It really bothered him.  So after hearing him rant and rave, I smiled and pulled in close to him, giving him a soft kiss(es) on his face and said " OK, we have this problem, how do we move forward from here, what do you want me to do when I am upset with you"  He responded that I should hold it in and wait for when we talk.  If he is not available at the time, he will call me back and we can talk.   I accepted his terms.  He said, if you would be more patient with me, Ill come see you more often.  Hmmmmm.

OK, I agreed.  It sounded like a fair exchange.  I wanted to see whether this exchange is true.  I will text less, conversate more and wait for face to face time to tell me my deep feelings.   Lets see if John comes close.


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