Saturday, July 20, 2013

In My Dreams

While on vacation, I had the most beautiful dream.  I dreamt of seeing my marine, of his smile, or his scent.  I enjoy being around him so much.  Simply being in the same room, breathing the same error, fills me with joy.

When I awoke, I am reminded that my marine did not come with us.  I invited him earlier this year.  He was in Texas and now in Southeast Asia.  It is highly unlikely that I will see him soon or that my dream will come true and I would be by him.

During my vacation I perused posters from Social Anthropologists that show various beliefs and rationale for relationships.  When it all comes down to it, it is always about that.

As a result of my time away, to reflect, and enjoy, I have made a decision... my decision to release all these ' friends with benefits' relationships and pursue that ultimate calling to be united with one person.

I began to think that the reason I attracted myself to military men is because these men are difficult to connect with.  They lack the desire to have a deep emotional committed connection.  Something in them fears this and they repel when they feel themselves getting close.

Honestly, I dont know what it is, all I know is that I dont want it anymore.  I want to be close.  I want to be included.  Also I want someone who will be present in relationship.


  1. Hi there! I am reaching out in regards to a question I have for you and the possibility of working together on something. Please email me when you get a chance! Thank you so much! trucillo(dot)mario(at)gmail(dot)com


  2. Reflecting back on these posts from years past. I was pathetically in love with a person who could care less. Not sure if anyone ever read these posts... but if you have, please dont be pathetic like me. Let go and dont waste time on people who dont love you. I finally let go and found out my marine had a girlfriend, hence explains his distantiveness. Nevertheless, I have since found a wonderful love... A wonderful man.
    Life goes on.